Les Miserables meets Oliver!
by It'sNotUnusual
Summary: Ever wondered what might happen if loads of the Les Miserables characters met Oliver! characters? You probably didn't... but still. READ AND REVIEW ANYWAY!
1. Chapter 1: The Meeting

Chapter 1: Meeting

Me: OI, YOU LOT! MIZZIES!

(Les Miserables characters appear, groaning.)

Enjolras (who shall be now known as Enjy): VIVE LA REPUBLIQUE!

M. Thenardier (who shall be now known as M. Thennie): NO! COME TO OUR INN!

Mme. Thennie: I AGREE!

Eponine (who shall be now known as Eppie): (to herself) One more day all on my own…

Marius (who is annoying so keeping his real name): Where is The Lark?

Cosette (who is also annoying so keeping her real name): I am here, my Marius!

(Inappropiate scenes between those two ensue- mainly involving lips)

Me: SERIOUSLY! Everyone, put a sock in it. And you two… oh just get a room.

(Marius and Cosette obey.)

Me: Thank you. Now, I've been talking-

Eppie: You what?

Enjy: Please say you haven't organised a social visit! I HAVE A REPUBLIC TO FIGHT FOR!

Me: A non-existent republic, Enjy.

Enjy: ENJOLRAS!

Me: Tough. No. No. No! Concentrate. Don't you want to know who it's with?

All: NO!

(Valjean wanders in calmly.)

Valjean (who shall now be known as Valjie): What are we all resisting? (He sees me.) Oh. Right. OK, then. NO!

Me: Tough, you're gonna learn. COME ON IN!

(Through the door come: Charley, Artful Dodger, Nancy, Oliver, Fagin, Bill Sikes, Mr. Brownlow and some random orphans.)

All Mizzies: YOU. ARE. JOKING.

All Oliver!s: WHAT? YOU SAID….

Me: Well, have fun! (Quickly escapes)

All: (fumes)

_**A/N: Well, see that little button down there with a speech mark? It's looking lonely… very very very lonely. So, unless you want to be accused of being cruel, help make it less lonely, and review! **_


	2. Chapter 2: Getting to Know You

Chapter 2: Getting To Know You

Enjy: WE NEED A LEADER!

Bill Sikes: I agree! I should be it!

Enjy: No, no! We need to have a democratic vote. All in favour of Bill Sikes, raise their hands!

(Only Bill raises his hand. At this point, the entire ABC Society enter the room I have locked them in.)

Enjy: All in favour of me, raise their hands!

(All of the people in the room, apart from Bill, raise their hands.)

Enjy: OK, that looks like the majority.

(Bill gives him a dirty look.)

Eppie: (to herself) One more day all on my own…

Dodger: Is that all you say?

Gavroche (who shall now be known as Gavvy): Leave my sister alone!

Dodger: No!

(The two boys launch into battle. Sighing, Eppie and Nancy come forward and separate them.)

Eppie: Are we going to get the authoress back or not?

Gavvy: For what?

Eppie: Are you actually thick? For locking us in here?

Marius: We're locked in?

Eppie: Yes. AM I THE ONLY SENSIBLE ONE?

Oliver: No! I am too!

Eppie: (gives him a look) Yes, you're sane. You who sings about love falling from skies.

Oliver: OI! (goes off somewhere)

Enjy: Good riddance.

Eppie: So, _oh great leader, _how are we getting out? And what are we doing after?

Enjy: Well, first we unlock the door.

Dodger: What kinda teacher did you 'ave?

Enjy: And then after that, we are going out onto the streets and convincing people to join the cause!

Marius: And what of the authoress?

Enjy: What authoress?

Fagin: WHERE IS SNOOFLES?

A/N: I must explain this. Fagin has a toy penguin called Snoofles. He gets very lonely without her.

Bill: I don' know where Snoofles is! Per'aps you left 'er in the loft. Good riddance.

ABC Society and Enjy: VIVE LA REPUBLIQUE!

Eppie: One more day all on my own…

Javert: Where is 24601?

Valjie: Eep! (runs to a corner of the room at the sight of Javert and stays there, shaking and being rather pathetic)

Cosette and Marius: And yet with you my life has started…

Oliver: (playing with string) Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee…

Gavvy and Dodger: (united against the strangeness of Oliver) EXILE 'IM!

Random Fagin's gang: Gin….

Javert: COME WITH ME 24601!

A/N: I think it's best if I leave it there- who knows what other monstrosities would ensue if I kept on writing… more coming, as long as you click on that little button! It's not that hard to miss. So, you know you want to! Pwease?


	3. Chapter 3: How The Characters Escaped

Chapter 3- Or How Around 50 Characters Escaped from A Fictional Locked Room

A/N: As I said in the Macbeth one, feel free to private message me if you have any ideas on where you want this fanfic to go! I take all suggestions, no matter how random or strange- the stranger the better, I say! Anyway, better just get on with writing this chappie.

Enjy: OK, analysis of the situation.

Charley: Analy-whatty?

Gavvy: Oh, just let 'im get on wiv it. 'E'll shut up quicker.

Dodger: Unfortunately, li'l Gavroche 'ere is correct.

Gavvy: _Li'l? _

Dodger: Got a problem, Gavs?

Gavvy: DON' CALL ME THAT!

Dodger: 'Onestly. Talk 'bout borin' names. At least I 'ave two!

(Gavvy launches himself towards Dodger and groaning, Eppie and Nancy separate them for the second time in half an hour.)

Enjy: So…

(30 minutes later)

Enjy: Hmmm…

(Another 30 minutes later)

Enjy: Tricky…

Nancy: Aren't you gonna do somethin'?

Enjy: SSHHH! I'm thinking!

(Yet another 30 minutes later)

Enjy: I've realised something!

(The room, which is mainly asleep, suddenly perk up.)

Gavvy: Ooh! Yay!

Dodger: Spit it out!

Fagin: 'Ave you realised where Snoofles is?

Enjy: Ye- No! What? No! No! My great realisation is…. We are trapped.

(For this last remark, he gets a looooooooooooooooot of glares.)

Bill: I think we should have a revote!

Eppie: I don't!

Courfeyrac (who shall be now known as Courffie): Enjy is an amazing leader!

Grantaire (who shall be now known as Grantie): I think that first we should… make him drink loads of gin!

Bill: 'Oo said gin? Where's the gin?

Enjy: No-one. No, I propose that we BUILD A BARRICADE AROUND HIM!

Valjie: (coming out of his twitching) Yes! I agree! And Javert too!

Javert: WHERE ART THOU, 24601?

(Valjie goes back into his original twitching state.)

Eppie: Oh, 'onestly. None of you 'ave any sense at all. Nancy, gimme yer hairpin.

Nancy: Why? WHY MUST I? IT'S MY BABY! YOU WANT TO STEAL MY BABY! DODGER, GET 'ER!

Eppie: (fighting against Dodger) I'm tryin' to get us out of 'ere!

Nancy: Oh. DODGER! 'OW DARE YOU ATTACK MY BEST FRIEN'! WHAT DID SHE EVER DO TO YOU?

Eppie: But you jus'… never mind. (She takes Nancy's hairpin and goes to the lock) Now… lets twiddle it around in the lock a bit….

(A few minutes pass, and the lock clicks.)

Eppie: Bingo! (She hands the hairpin back to Nancy) When did I start saying bingo? (She shrugs.) Anyway. OI, Enjy!

(Enjy comes over, beaming.)

Enjy: You know, Eppie, I could just kiss you.

(Eppie beams at him and closes her eyes. Enjy backs away nervously.)

Enjy: It was a figure of speech!

(Eppie opens her eyes quickly, flushing.)

Enjy: _Anyway_. Come on!

(They all hurry out, even Valjie, still twitching. Oliver still has his string and Courffie is still building his barricade, but is forced to give up.)

_**A/N: Let me tell you a very sad story. There is a whole button gang who never are pressed, because the readers of don't want to click them. So, make sure that the button on my story never joins that button gang, and press it! Do it… do it… do it…**_


	4. Chapter 4: Unleashing Characters

Chapter 4- Why You Should Never Unleash Mizzies on the World

(The Mizzies and Oliver!s have split up. If there's one thing worse than fictional characters on the streets, it's two groups of fictional characters on the streets.)

Eppie: Have you seen my sister? Azelma?

Azelma: (pops into existence) Hi!

Eppie: Sis! (hugs Azelma tightly)

Azelma: Can't –gasp- breathe!

Eppie: (releases her) Oh, sorry! Here, have you met the rest of the Mizzies?

Azelma: Mizzies? What are Mizzies?

Eppie: Oh, lucky! You haven't met our… _charming_ authoress. She calls us Mizzies.

Azelma: Why? Where'd she get it from?

Eppie: No clue. Just go with it, or you'll end up like Valjie.

Azelma: Two things. Valjie? And isn't he like that because Javert is with us?

Eppie: (considers) OK, that may be it. But still. Oh, yeah, the authoress likes shortening Mizzie names.

Azelma: And mine?

Eppie: Well you weren't shortened upon entrance, so you won't ever be! Sorry!

Azelma: (shrugs like she doesn't care in that way in which it is perfectly obvious that she does care) Doesn't matter. I hate my name being shortened anyway.

Eppie: OK, then.

(Enjy walks over the road, and the rest of the Mizzies run after him, forcing a lot of cars on the road to make screeching noises.)

Enjy: VIVE LA REPUBLIQUE!

(A little girl goes up to the Mizzies, around five or six. Let's call her Mimi. 'Cos it's a really really random name. Anyway.)

Mimi: You dress funny!

Enjy: Excuse me!

Mimi: Well, you do! And you! What are you _wearing! _

Eppie: OI!

Mimi: And he's… OK… but he really needs to lose the France ribbon.

Gavvy: You didn't! Oh, it's on!

Mimi: Mummy!

(But her mother is on the other side of the road and has more sense than the Mizzies- and can only watch as Gavvy attacks her. A revolutionary nine year old against an annoying five year old… poor Mimi.

Anyway, while this was going on, the Oliver!s were getting up to as much mischief…)

Dodger: You see that beak with those 'Mizzies', Charley?

Charley: Yeah! 'E looked like the sort of person to be wiv that prime plant, Mr. Brownlow!

Mr. Brownlow: (looking over) Oh, thank you!

Dodger (rolling his eyes): Yeah, 'xactly. Hmmm… OI, BILL!

(Bill hurries over, looking around him darkly.)

Nancy: Bill, dearest…

Bill: WHAT 'AVE I TOLD YOU!

Nancy: Sorry, sorry. Billikins, we're in the middle of the park. The way you dress and the menacing air is enough to scare off everyone else. You don't need to give them death glares as well!

Bill: Sorry. So, Dodger. What is it?

Dodger: See that Mizzie policeman before?

Bill: What? POLICEMAN? Right.

Nancy: Bill!

Bill: Nancy…

Nancy: Sorry, sorry! Billikins!

Bill: Now, Nancy, shut up. Charley!

Charley: Yes, Sir!

Bill: Get me my gun!

(Charley pops. A moment later he has come back with a gun.)

Bill: Get me my knife!

(Charley pops. A moment later he has come back with a knife.)

Bill: Get me my fish!

(Charley pops. A moment later he has come back with a rather large, rather wet dead fish.)

Bill: Thank you. (Bill goes off to find Javert, having left the gun and knife behind, twirling the fish dangerously and ignoring the strange looks)

Fagin: Now, one, two, three!

Fagin's random gang: _Oh, Snoofles_

_Our Snoofles_

_Where art thee? _

_Under hill, painting, rock or tree? _

_Where be you lurking_

_Where be your den? _

_Come out, come out, Snoofles_

_Before we count to ten!_

_**A/N: There ya go. Chappie 4. Now you see that button at the centre of the bottom of the page? It practically is calling out to you! Go into a silent room. Turn everything off and close all windows and doors. Hear that? 'Press me!' it's saying. 'Press me!' **_


	5. Chapter 5: How More Chaos is Caused

_**Chapter 5: Or How More Chaos is Caused**_

_**A/N: I know I didn't do this before, but I DO NOT OWN ANYTHING. Not one speck. ALL THESE CHARACTERS BELONG TO SOMEBODY ELSE. **_

Fagin: One, two, three!

Nancy: Fagin, please! This will be the nineteenth time they sing it! We're all sick of it!

Fagin: No! One, two three!

Random Fagin's gang: _Oh, Snoofles_

_Our Snoofles_

_Where art thee? _

_Under hill, painting, rock or tree? _

_Where be you lurking_

_Where be your den? _

_Come out, come out, Snoofles_

_Before we count to ten!_

Nancy: Satisfied?

Fagin: (nodding) All done!

(There is a lot of whooping from the random Fagin's gang as they run around, finally free. There is much popping, and all the Mizzies suddenly appear, including Javert- who appears to have all his limbs and vital organs still intact and not battered by fish)

Eppie: YOU COLOSSAL IDIOT, GAVVY!

Gavvy: What'd I do now?

Eppie: YOU ATTACKED THAT GIRL! HAVEN'T YOU GOT ENOUGH EXPERIENCE FROM OVERPROTECTVE PARENTS?

Gavvy: (defensively) You might 'ave, but I never did.

All in attendance: Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww…

Eppie: Sorry…

Gavvy: S'OK.

Eppie: So, Gavvy. Why did you attack her? Her mother would kill you!

Gavvy: I know… I know…

Eppie: If you knew that, then why-

Enjy: Eppie, are you _trying_ to sound like his mother?

Eppie: (flushing) Am I really that horrible?

Enjy: How could you think such a thing about yourself! (flushing too) Well… what I mean is… you're a really nice girl!

(He goes off and does his best to appear busy socialising with Fagin. Eppie glares at his back suspiciously, then goes to talk to Nancy.)

Nancy: Hmmm… you're so pretty! Ooh! I know! Dodger!

(Dodger, always too eager, comes up straight away.)

Nancy: Go into a store and steal my very good friend Eppie 'ere a nice… hmmmm… blue dress.

(Dodger gives her a disbelieving look.)

Nancy: What?

Dodger: I'm a pickpocket! We don' steal dresses for _girls_!

Nancy: Dodger…

Dodger: Fine, fine. Goin'.

(He goes.)

Nancy: Now… until he comes… let's sort out the jewellery. (They go a little way from the other Mizzies and Oliver!s.) Hmmm… (she unclips a locket from around her neck.) This is my favourite locket, given to me by my mother, and the most precious thing to me in the world! But because we're BFFs, and I'm so nice, I'm gonna give it to you!

Eppie: Awwww, really? You're so nice!

(Nancy gives the locket to Eppie.)

Eppie: Ooooh… shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiny… (She sees the look on Nancy's face.) I… I mean… it's really pretty! Yeah! That's it!

(Dodger comes back, looking utterly disgusted and flings a blue dress into Nancy's arms before stalking off to talk to Charley)

Nancy: Here! Put it on!

(Eppie pops with the dress. A minute later she is back, holding the old rags in her arms.)

Nancy: Ooh! Yay! 'Ere, gimme that ol' dress. You won' be needin' it.

(Reluctantly, Eppie hands it over. Nancy draws out a mobile from inside _her_ dress.)

Eppie: What is _that? _

Nancy: It's called a… (She refers to a pocket dictionary) mobile… phone.

Eppie: A mobile… phone?

Nancy: Yes. (She dials a number) Hi! I'm Nancy, a friend from school!

Eppie: School?

Nancy: (to Eppie) Go wiv it! (Into the phone) Yeah, can I speak to Dominique?… Dom, I mean…. Yeah. Oh, hi, Fleur! 'Ow's Bill? … Good, good. Can Dom come to… Hyde Park, West Entrance? Thanks! Bye-bye, now!

Eppie: Fleur? Bill? Dom?

Nancy: Yeah. You'll see!

(There is a large popping sound, and Dom Apparates.)

Dom: Hi, Nance!

Nancy: Hi, Dom! 'Ere, can you do somethin' for me?

Dom: I dunno… Maman wants me home really soon…

Nancy: It's only quick. Burn this dress. (She hands Dom the dress.)

(Dom nods, gets her wand out and burns it.)

Dom: Bye! (Apparates)

Eppie: (bewildered) What just happened?

Nancy: Oh, we just got rid of your old rags. See, you're really pretty! Come on. Let's talk.

(They sit down and start talking useless fluff that would send me to sleep if I typed it. So I won't.)

Over on the other side of the square of grass…

Oliver: So you are Marius…

Marius: And you are Oliver…

Oliver: I annoy B-C a lot. I know that. (Goes into a small depression)

Marius: So do I! It's so unfair! All the other Mizzies get their names shortened, but NOT ME! (cries)

Oliver: Oh, wow.

(Oliver, being the wimp that he is, goes over to Marius and gives him a hug.)

Cosette: Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww! Marry-Warry has found a little fwiend!

(Marius and Oliver grin at her.)

Enjy: (a little way away) Now, are we agreed?

Courffie: YES!

ABC Society: Courffie!

Courffie: Sorry.

Enjy: Now, is everyone ready? Have you got your shields?

ABC Society: Yep.

Enjy: Got your ammo belt?

ABC Society: Yep.

Enjy: Got your cream pie?

ABC Society: Yep.

Enjy: Got your dead fish?

ABC Society: Yep.

Enjy: __!

(Cosette, Oliver, Marius and any other soppy characters present look up as the entire ABC Society run at them, pelting them with cream pies and whacking them around the face with dead fish. Bill, at one point, joins in, managing to get Oliver- to much whoops from the ABC Society.)

A/N: And so concludes yet another very very strange instalment of 'Les Miserables Meets Oliver!'. Now we all like virtual chocolate, and virtual cookies too. So, if you review, I'll give you a virtual chocolate bar AND a virtual cookie!


	6. The Ending

**A/N: Hey. Yeah, I'm going a mad FF writing spree today. While I listen to David Tennant and Catherine Tate's version of Sigh No More… **

**Anyway. **

**I'll probably be wrapping this story up soon. Within this chapter or the next. Probably this one. Sorry about that, but I'm really not into Les Mis or Oliver! anymore. So there's not much point me continuing something that I don't really like. **

**On with the show! **

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. Absolutely nothing. Apart from my messed up mind. **

Fagin: (Magics up orchestra)

Dodger: If you're gonna sing the song 'bout Snuffles 'gain, you can can it. We're not doin'-

Fagin: (Starts conducting. Badly.)

Random Fagin's gang: (Start singing

Fagin: (Evil laughter)

Nancy: Anyway.

Me: AHA! There you are.

All: Oh no.

Gavvy: That's the one that locked us u-u-u-u-pppp. (Starts sobbing)

Me: Gavvy.

Me: Gavvy.

Me: Gavroche.

Me: GAVROCHE.

Me: GAVROCHE THÉNARDIER, STOP CRYING RIGHT NOW.

Gavvy: (Stops)

Me: Thank you.

Eppie: What are you going to do to my little brother…?

Me: Nothing. Well, not just to him. You need to get back in the room.

Eppie: You mean the room you locked us in?

Me: Yeah, that one.

Charley: Why should we?

All: (start shouting) Yeah? Why! Tell us! (etc etc.)

Me: Cause I'm the authoress and I say so. So there.

Bill: Okay… (starts dragging his feet and disappears. Sounds of a door opening and closing.)

Me: Well that was unexpected.

Nancy: Ever so slightly. I'll go see… (disappears)

Charley, Dodger: We should… (disappear)

(The rest of the crowd disappear in this fashion, until Enjy is the only one left.)

Me: Go on.

Enjy: No.

Me: Please.

Enjy: No.

Me: Why not?

Enjy: Cos I don't have to.

Me: Damn your segregation from all humans.

Enjy: Hahahah.

Me: Fine. You can go back to your book.

Enjy: YESSSSSSSSS. (disappears into Les Misérables)

Me: Oh, thank God. They're all gone.

_In a locked room, somewhere near the Red Sea_

Eppie: I can't believe it.

Nancy: William Sikes, you are an idiot.

Eppie: This is ridiculous.

Nancy: We're locked in here. Again.

Eppie: We used the hairpin the first time round.

Nancy: And then lost it.

Eppie: Yeah.

Nancy: Aren't you meant to be from 19th century France?

Eppie: Yeah, I am…

Nancy: So why are you speaking in 21st century English?

Eppie: Why aren't _you _speaking in 19th century English?

Nancy: Touché.

Eppie: You know French?

Nancy: I do now.

Fagin: My dears, there is only one way out of here.

Dodger: (looks at Fagin expectantly) Do you have the answer?

Fagin: I do, I do. We have only one option. Escape is out of the question.

Random orphan 1: Aren't you meant to be coming up with an escape plan?

Fagin: No. We must sit and wait for the authoress to rescue us.

All: (start shouting, very annoyed-ly, at Fagin.)

Fagin: There is no need to shout!

Nancy: (Sits down to wait)

_Somewhere near the Channel _

Me: Where'd I put that key…

**A/N: And we're done! I did love doing this, but as I said before, I just kinda drifted off. **

**I hope you enjoyed that really quick attempt to wrap this whole story up. **

**G-B-C xx **


End file.
